There’s no way of getting around it despite what “InstaPerfect” couples say on social media. It’s inevitable and part of the ebbs and flow of marriage. How you handle it can make all the difference in the world.
Earlier this week, Donovan and I found ourselves in conflict with one another. I’m not proud of this but it lasted for days starting with many little things that snowballed into something significant overtime. Needless, to say I didn’t handle this well.
I remember it starting as soon as we left California after visiting my family for the Thanksgiving holiday.
For us, there wasn’t any shouting, yelling, our us “making a scene.” It was silent treatments, frustrated sighs, cold shoulders, and closed off hearts. Oh yeah, there was also a little room for snide remarks and attitudes.
It was like the Cold War. I can’t say who was America or Russia but both of us had our nuclear arsenal ready just in case one of us strikes first.
Our hearts being closed off during this conflict in only trapped in our pride, anger, irrational fears of ourselves and each other.
Donovan and I were hurting while refusing to look to at who we truly were.
Generally, I don’t like fighting or conflict, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. In some instances, I know that it can be healthy. I’m not using this as a cop-out or excuse, but my parents’ unhealthy fighting and divorce definitely help shape my ideologies about conflict in marriage growing up.
There wasn’t any much room for grace or God when they did fought. They had their way eventually leading to separate ways.
However, when resolving solvable marital conflict God’s way, it becomes more meaningful and sobering, no matter how painful. I’m able to see my sins and myself for who I REALLY am through His eyes when I seek Him either through prayer or in His Word. I’m also able to look at Donovan through the eyes of God’s love instead of mine, which is imperfect anyway.
Conflict in our marriage always highlight our need for God.
Only God can take our cold, closed off hearts and cause it to open and bloom under the light of His loving conviction, grace, and mercy. When our hearts bloom for Him, our hearts can bloom for and with each other. How sweet and beautiful is that!
All is well now between us as we’re working to bloom together in peace and harmony. God pulled the weeds of pride and fear while making room apologies, love, honesty to grow.
As an added bonus, Donovan showed me a beautiful gesture to signify ♥
Married couples: What have you learned in dealing with marital conflict? How are your feelings toward conflict in marriage? Let’s have a conversation. Comment below as I love to hear your thoughts.