Driving down the street, I turn left to park next to the tall, luxurious, hotel on the beach. Donovan, in his black business attire, unlocks the car door to get out to quickly head into the hotel for business. I remain in the car taking that fairly busy but long drive home from Ocean Drive.
Warmth and light from the sun is like a blanket from the chill in the salty air. The car is silent. Chaos from the street construction is busy but I’m calm. I’m thinking of one word: PEACE.
Around the same time last year in 2019, I remember taking this drive. My heart was so heavy then. While driving, I remember angrily praying and asking God some really hard questions. Life as I knew it looked like a GIGANTIC MESS.
A close friend of my husband had died at a very young age. Why did he have to die so soon? My life felt directionless and restless. Where am I going in life? God, can’t You see I’m stuck going nowhere?!
Not to mention, the battle with depression. My faith was shaken and stirred as my prayers for MONTHS seemed as if it bounced from heaven. God seemed distant and deadpan silent while I was in turmoil.
This trek to Ocean Drive would last for 3 days. Back and forth, I would drop off and pick up Donovan to do special work for this posh hotel.
In the meantime, I would just be me and God in the car. With His silence, it honestly felt like just me.
On the third and final day, the journey back home after dropping Donovan off one morning from Ocean Drive seemed strangely calm.
No construction, no busy roads. Hardly a car in sight. A chill was in the air. Yet, the sun brightly shining and warming my body.
To the right of me was a narrow road leading to the beach on Ocean Drive. Taking the right, I decide to park for a little bit. It wasn’t going to be long but it would be a little slice of happiness in the midst of feeling broken. Besides, the beach is my happy place.
Leaning against my car door, I was listening to the ocean, feeling the warmth of the sun and sharp cold breeze, smelling the salty air. Closing my eyes and taking all this gloriousness in, God speaks to my spirit, “Peace. My PEACE. Will you take it?”
I remain silent still hurting.
Once again, God speaks.
“Give Me your broken dreams and heart for MY enduring PEACE.”
I still remain silent.
However, my spirit surrenders.
What was only 15 minutes at the beach felt like an eternity. I get back in the car continuing my long ride home from Ocean Drive in silence with only the word “peace” echoing in my mind and spirit.
Here it is, another year driving back to the same posh hotel on the beach on Ocean Drive.
The streets are still busy. I still have questions. Some dreams are still broken. Some prayers are still have no answer. Life is still kinda messy. However, my heart is lifted with an awesome reminder to grab on tight to God’s Peace.
“Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you. I do not give you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” (John 14:27)