Learning to Embrace My Hidden Season
My life is uncomfortably quiet.
After years of being in the spotlight on social media, in front of some kind of audience or even in social settings, life has steadily retreated into the shadows of what seems like obscurity. Maybe borderline seclusion or isolation.
While I’m not able to pinpoint a specific reason as to how life turned this way in this season, I can say that various circumstances (warranted and unwarranted) caused it. With a personality that leans more what some would call “extrovert”, living in obscurity is something that I’m definitely not used to. Growing up, I was taught that being obscure got you nowhere and you need to be seen but not seen too much because you don’t want draw unwanted attention or get the label of being a “show-off.”
With this in mind, I’ve learned to grow up slightly uncomfortable with silence and not being seen. It doesn’t help that I grew up in the social media age that is constantly evolving with the message that if you’re not seen or spotted on the scene with the latest happenings, traveling here or there, meeting this or that person, doing something viral, trendy, or culture changing, you’re nothing or a nobody. After all, who wants to be “nothing” or a “nobody?”
After walking away from social media and feeling God call me to a life more in the shadows, this is where I learn to be comfortable with obscure living and the silence that comes with it. What makes it uncomfortable is that I don’t think I’ve had to deal with sitting in the obscure and if I did, I didn’t do it well at all and for very long. Truth be told, I avoid seasons like this and try to do everything I can to escape obscurity or end it as quick as possible.
For most of my life, the quiet and hidden season felt like a waste of time. Majority of my life has been filed with so much action that slowing down, being still, and living quietly in the shadows looked like life passing me by. Life feels like a giant, hollow, empty room and I’m standing in the middle with this unbearable temptation to fill it with anything to make me feel like I’m not alone or that I’m busy doing something.
Now that I’m back in this season, I’m doing things differently. This time, instead of filling life with busy work, trying to be seen, or anything that will take up unnecessary space, I’m discovering the art of leaning in and embracing the obscurity of life. I’m learning to sit with God in this uncomfortably hidden and silent space while waiting to fill my life with the things that God has for me instead of things that are distracting or crowding God out.
In the hidden and quiet spaces, I’m able to take inventory of my life and reflect as God patiently walks me through this uncertain season. He points out hidden distractions and idols that keep me away from Him. Sneaky habits and slick distractions are exposed. God is showing me myself but doing it not to harm me but heal me.
As the dust, debris, and distraction in my soul clear, I’m pointed in the direction of God. When God clears everything and hides you away from others, the only one to depend is God. He’s always there. I run to Him and deepening my dependence on Him.
I’ve been in this season for little while with NO idea of when it will end. The changes that God is doing may not seem like a big deal and maybe faint but I can say that so far, I’m learning to rest, obey, and intently listen to what He wants to share with me. I’d be lying if I said that I’m not dealing with distractions at all. In fact, it’s been amplified. However, I’m seeing that this concentrated time and intimacy with God is excellent, divine work and I want to enjoy this as best as I can. While I don’t know what’s around the bend, I have a feeling that God is preparing me in private so He can be glorified in public again.
