The Messy Middle: Navigating Through Life Transitions (Part 1)
*Hey reader, just a heads up. You’ll see some links in this blog post. These are NOT affiliate links. I just wanted to show the author some love and point in you in the right direction of where you can get her book :)
In the last three days, I’ve caught up with friends near and far just to catch up with them and see how they were doing in life. In every conversation that I had with them, the word “transition” came up. At first, I thought it was a coincidence in my second conversation. After the third one, my spiritual antennae came out up I thought to myself, “Alright! Something is definitely going on.”
Everyone is going through some kind of transition…
And so am I.
“Transition” is a word that brings about various emotions. It's the messy middle between your NOW & NEXT while experiencing the NEW. It can bring about fear, anxiety, anger, frustration, excitement sometimes all at the same time.
The hardest part about transition is that as I go through it and watch others go through it as well, there seems to be this unspoken. Everyone, including myself, are going through the transition but have a difficult time navigating it. It’s like we’re walking aimlessly through this wilderness-like space as we’re waiting on God to make paths in the desert and streams in the wastelands (Isaiah 43:19). We often feel stuck asking ourselves and God, “What do we do?”
I asked God the same question and the answer He led me to was HIGHLY unexpected. One morning as I was reading a devotional, I had got an email newsletter invitation about joining an online Bible study. This Bible study was about navigating through transition and finding strength and wisdom when you feel stuck in life.
I must’ve gotten those email invitations at least 5-6 times within the last two weeks. However, each time I quickly glance at them, I would feel this subtle but definitive tug or pull inside to learn more. Finally, after reading the devotional from the author of the Bible study, I knew that I had to sign up for this online Bible study.
To be honest, I had NO intention of signing up for the bible study. I had projects to work on and things to do. But the Holy Spirit confirmed this is what I needed. So, without hesitation, I purchased the book and signed up for Nicki Koziarz’ online Bible Study, Your New Now.
The Navigation Begins
As I waited for my book to arrive, Nicki provided the first week free of the study. I don’t think I was ready for what I was about to read. It was so deep and thought-provoking, I had to blog about it. I even decided to make this a blog post series. Between the first few chapters and the questions that were provided, I knew that this study would require me to do some DEEP heart work that God would definitely need to be involved in.
Right out of the gate, the first chapter dealt with where I’m experiencing transition and what feelings are attached to it. I needed to be completely honest in writing down how I felt. Then the next question felt like a punch between the eyes. I had to describe the root of these emotions and ask God to help me sort this out.
Like a painful jerk reaction, the thought of my five-year long, painful transition from California to Florida immediately jumped to the forefront of my mind.
A Little Transitional History
I lived in Southern California all my life and I LOVED it there. I lived near the beach and had stellar weather nearly all year round. Though my family was ripped apart through divorce, my parents were the most supportive of me. I had a fabulous support system of friends. I even had a wonderful church that I enjoyed serving at. My roots were there and I couldn’t imagine living anywhere else.
In 2016, I met a wonderful man who lived on the other side of the country. Within a span of 9 months, we got engaged and married. The day after our wedding, I would hop on a plane and leave everything I knew and loved behind to start my new life with my husband in Florida.
Upon arriving in Florida, I had high hopes and expectations of what life was going to be life. I had a plan. Little did I know that what I planned for didn’t pan out the way I thought it would. I had no idea how painfully difficult transitioning from California to Florida would be. I had to adapt to a new family, marriage, culture, state, everything while being separated from everything that I held dear.
Getting Down to the Root Emotions
Asking God to help me get to the root of these painful emotions was difficult but I knew that if I wanted to be free and move forward in life, this is what I needed to do. As I prayed and asked God for help, He spoke through my writing.
*Transparency ALERT: Typically I wouldn’t share this as it’s a vulnerable writing from my journal but I’m led to share to help comfort someone through their transition and set someone free. Pray it blesses you.
I believe that the root feelings came from my high expectations of what I thought my life would look like. I tried to take what I knew in California and try to fit in here (in Florida). It didn’t work and because it didn’t work, I got angry and lashed out. I felt defeated. Life was so good in California and I had hopes that it would be here in Florida.
Problem was: I expected “California” out of Florida when I shouldn’t have.
I had to adapt to the new though I desperately missed the old. I still miss it very much.
But what if I let go of my “California” expectations here? What if I embrace the “new” of what God was trying to do all along in these last 5 years? It’s wrong to expect old things out of the new especially when we’re brought out of the old for whatever reason.
Maybe this long transition was a blank canvas for me to co-create with God to design my life in this new chapter. But for years, I ruined it by using a permanent market as a paintbrush to create a painting on this new canvas.
The goodness of the old makes me sick like good food left out and alone for too long. Eventually, the “goodness” of the old will become bad and harmful. Keep eating it and it will make you sick and even KILL you. Even the good has an expiration date and it needs to be surrendered to make way for something better.
The Resolve
As painful as it was to remember and feel those feelings, I can say that it was completely FREEING to tell the truth and even experience God’s truth about this transition. I recognized that I’m still in a season of separation but I believe that God will bring me out. As I work to navigate this season of transition in the next 30 days in this Bible study, I now have greater hope and faith even in this first week that God can change things whether it be my circumstances or me.
If you’re in a season of transition, it’s okay to acknowledge where you are. The fear of the unknown as we try to navigate our transition alone will hold us back. However, God promises to be with us through it all. This also requires us to surrender and let go of what was, especially during seasons of separation, and ask God to help us embrace the new even as we’re dealing with the “messy middle” of now.
I leave you with this quote from Nicki:
“Daily acknowledgment of where we are would help us stop holding on to the past or fearing the future and learn to embrace our now.”
Nicki Koziarz, Your New Now
I want to hear from you. If you’re in a season of transition, what memories are you still holding on to and forcing into your new now? What can you surrender to make room for what God has in your life? Let me know in the comments.
