The Unbearable Weight of Perfectionism
My name is Lindsey… and I’m a recovering perfectionist.
There’s something freeing about watching someone admit that they struggle with something but proudly acknowledge their in-between place of what they used to be and what they hope to be. Especially, if you’re dealing with the same struggles they’re dealing with.
Last Saturday, during Bible study, our leader asked us a serious question: What is something in your heart that you know you need to get rid of and want God to deliver you from? (I know. Loaded question, right? But it got us thinking.)
Some gave great answers like pride, resentment, bitterness, fear/anxiety, doubt. However, there was one answer that struck my spirit like a lightning bolt: PERFECTIONISM. It was refreshing to hear someone say that word because my spirit was shouting, “I deal with perfectionism too!”
My relationship with perfectionism is a complex and twisted one deeply rooted in so many things. As I got older, I realized that the weight of perfectionism tends to be heavier and more demanding. Social media doesn’t help because everyone has their standard of what perfection looks like. As a Christian and recovering perfectionist, I learned a few things about perfection and the agonizing strive for it.
We as humans long for perfection. This long dates all the way back in Genesis 2 where we had it all. Life was PERFECTION. When the fall of humanity happened in Genesis 3, we were to suffer the spiritual, emotional, and physical consequences of our disobedience but we mourn the loss of the perfection while contending with the longing for it.
So, we act out in various ways trying to achieve that perfection. We curate our lives on social media taking pictures with filters and editing out our blemishes on Adobe Photoshop. We strive to have the perfect job, family, income, house, and body and will go through great lengths to get it.
However, there’s one caveat. In our perfectionism, we will never be satisfied. Nothing and no one will ever be good enough. Life happens and things go left…or south. People disappoint us. Sometimes things don’t go as planned. In those moments, we wear the label “FAILURE” while feeling the weight constantly falling short. We’re handcuffed to this human standard where the bar is set too high and there’s little to no room for grace.
So, where do we find perfection if it’s not with ourselves or in other people?
We find perfection in Jesus Christ.
Jesus Christ (100% God and 100% man) was the only One who took on our human state and still lived a life that was sinless and perfect. What makes Him so unique is that He was the physical model of perfection on display for us to see. Though we weren’t around in the days where Jesus walked, His life and perfection still lives on when we read the Bible.
Jesus gave grace when there was no room from any. He stepped into the messy, difficult, and outrageous situations that no one would ever dare to be involved in. He even came from a broken and wildly imperfect lineage (Read Matthew 1-2). He took on the standard and weight of complete perfection for us so that we didn’t have to because we couldn’t if we tried.
Perfectionism is sneaky because it’s rooted in pride. It’s saying that we can be our own god all by ourselves. It’s taking and carrying unnecessary weight and baggage that was never meant for us. It’s fear of making mistakes, receiving grace, experiencing joy and peace. It’s fear of living while degrading ourselves and others.
Jesus never wanted for us to live like that. In fact, it’s displeasing to Him because our perfectionism makes it look like Him dying on the cross was in vain.
So what if we’re not driving a Maserati while wearing a size 6 in jeans. Who cares if there’s toys on the floor, dishes in the sink while hosting a dinner? None of this equals a perfect life. Jesus can still give His perfection in the midst of less than perfect situations or environments. And anything that comes through His hand is drenched in perfection (even when we can’t see it in the moment).
The world and its bizarre system will try to place a value on you and determine if you’re perfect while forcing you to bow down to their standard of perfection. If you’re going to look to perfection, let’s look at the One who is. Jesus. His standards matter. Nothing else.
Do you struggle with perfectionism? If so, Why do you think it’s hard for you to let go of perfectionism? How can you trust God’s standard of perfection instead of your own? Leave a comment. Let’s Talk!
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